Saturday, November 14, 2009

(re)breaking the ice.

This post is the real first post of this blog, the one in which I commit not just to naming the blog but keeping it on a regular basis. It is meant to be a means of practicing writing and mindfulness as well as exploring the questions of community, identity, art, and culture that intrigue and confound and compel me on a daily basis - in general, but also as they affect and are affected by the ever-changing, complicated, mythically flawed and fabulous city known as Detroit.

And so. In the interest of breaking the aforementioned ice, here are some recent events that have been shaping the percolation of this blog's long-deferred real beginning:

1) 10 months minus 9 days ago, on January 24, 2009, I moved to Detroit from rural North Carolina. I have a great love of this place - for its deep and layered history and for the new life I see emerging here every day. As well as a deep frustration at times, knowing it could be so much more than it thinks it can be.

2) 3 months, 1 week and 1 day ago, I left the relationship and living situation I was in with sadness that it hadn't worked out but a stronger sense that I was doing what was right for both of us - even if it didn't feel right or easy in the moment. I am deeply grateful not only to be friends with the person in that relationship but also to be feeling even closer to, and more delighted by and for them, as we move further down our individual paths. I am also grateful that I was able to move from one neighborhood I love (midtown Detroit near Wayne State) to another neighborhood I love (south Ferndale) - even if it meant that, sadly, I had to move just outside the city limits. In both places, I have found very positive community spirit, down-to-earth people I truly value & love along with some excellent small local businesses. And who could ask for more than that?

3) 4 weeks plus 1 day ago, on October 16, 2009 - about 14 hours before I started this blog - I lost my job working as a development manager for a human services nonprofit. I had big plans for getting up the next morning and writing a blog post that began, "Yesterday I lost my job. It was the best thing that ever happened to me," and went on to enumerate the many positive and exciting things I would have the opportunity to create and accomplish and experience now that I wasn't working 45 to 50 hours a week researching and writing government grants about prisoner re-entry programs and dental care for low-income children. But, unsurprisingly for my Libra/Southern-raised overachiever only child self, my response has been more complicated than that. It hurt more than I wanted it to, to be let go of from a position that I so wanted to be good at, even if I knew that my boss saw room for improvements (improvements I had been making, but apparently not quickly enough) and even though I knew that it wasn't in my field of expertise (arts/theatre program management & development). More than the ego sting of being told I was "not the right fit" in a job and place where I so wanted to fit, it was painful to lose the sense of purpose I had from knowing I was helping support positive work, helping gain funding for an organization that empowers others in bettering their lives. But deep down I knew it was not my greatest passion, and I knew that I wasn't really thriving in the role or culture I was in. So, the change, while I wouldn't have chosen it, is pushing and allowing me to create a life that is even more closely aligned with my nature and my interests...

4) 1 month minus 1 week ago I turned 40 for the first time. I mean, I turned 40. :) It's not the biggest deal in the world, but it's not something I can exactly ignore. And honestly, so far, I really like it.

OK. I think that's enough to get the cubes melting...ching ching! Down the hatch.
I will write more, in a more interesting way, about more interesting things, very soon!

1 comment:

  1. here here! a great start! this is my favorite part: "So, the change, while I wouldn't have chosen it, is pushing and allowing me to create a life that is even more closely aligned with my nature and my interests..."

    tru dat wessyde!
    ~katey

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